If you buy an Intex Easy Set Pool you will perhaps believe set up to be easy. And why not!? It clearly states on the box that it is. See?
1 Make an offhand sort of promise to your daughter that the pool will be up before July 4th.
2 Realize July 4th is fast approaching.
3 Remember what a poor job your filter did last year.
4 Remember how you don’t want to add chemicals to something your children will be spending at least a quarter of their summer time in.
5 to 19 Spend an average of an hour each day for two weeks agonizing over how to keep this pool clean.
20 Settle on a saltwater filter.
21 Spend the next week looking for a good deal before finally deciding to bite the bullet and just get one already.
22 Wait for it to arrive before proceeding to the erroneously labeled “step 1”.
23 The “select level location” bit may be tricky if your yard is sloped. But no problem, that can be remedied in a few easy steps.
24 Stake out desired location for pool.
25 Run string around stakes and level with string level.
26 Realize you don’t have a string level – go to Lowe’s to get one.
27 While at Lowe’s pick up 20 of the 36 bags of filler you’ve determined you need to create your very own “level location” and 2 bags of salt for the filter.
28 Return home and level the previously strung string.
29 Carry 20 bags of top soil and 2 bags of salt to the back yard.
30 Wish you had a wheelbarrow.
31 Spread out 20 bags of top soil as evenly as possible.
32 Realize you are a bit shy of level.
33 Briefly consider returning to Lowe’s for more soil before realizing how tired you are.
34 Decide close is good enough.
35 Lay plastic tarp over your almost “level location.” (This is not explicitly stated in the instructions but experience will have taught you the value of this step.)
36 Place pool over plastic tarp making sure to center it on your fabricated “level location”.
38 Notice the word “optional”.
39 Recall last summer when you blew up the top ring With. Your. Mouth.
40 Refrain from cursing.
41 Listen to your genius daughter who reminds you of your bicycle pump.
42 Discover the bicycle pump doesn’t fit.
43 Refrain from cursing.
44 Watch your genius daughter jerry-rig an adapter from some random black garden tube thing.
45 Request an application to MIT.
46 to 49 Watch filter instructional video at least 4 times.
50 Install filter/saltwater chlorination unit that you spent weeks researching, Do this in the near darkness while your flashlight holding daughter skips away periodically crying, “Oooh look! A firefly!”
51 Reconsider the MIT application.
52 Go to bed.
53 The next morning (or later) re-center pool on plastic tarp.
54 Turn on hose and begin to fill the pool with an inch of water.
55 Turn off hose and carefully smooth out all wrinkles.
56 Notice that one side of the pool has an inch of water and the other side has
about a foot more than an inch.
57 Disregard this discrepancy.
58 When all wrinkles are smoothed out, turn the hose back on.
59 Allow children to splash about as pool fills.
60 Make the children get out so you can go bake a cake or read some blogs or write a dissertation. (Any or all of these can easily be finished in the time it takes the pool to fill.)
61 Turn the hose off.
62 Congratulations your pool is now *almost* ready to use.
63 Add 60 lbs of salt to the pool.
64 Allow filter to run for 24 hrs.
65 Set chlorination unit to run for 3 hrs.
66 Test water.
67 Use pool. For 4 days. It will look something like this:
68 Skip swimming on the 5th day because of rain.
69 Skip swimming on the 6th day because of rain.
70 Skip swimming on the 7th day because of rain.
71 Wake up day 8 to find this:
72 Watch helplessly as your dreams of summer coolness roll slowly down the slope of your *almost* “level location”
73 Wait for the sun to return.
74 Empty pool.
75 Move pool.
76 Roll back tarp.
77 Remember why you put down the tarp in the first place.
78 Try not to faint from the smell of rotting grass.
79 Pack up the kiddos and head to Lowe’s.
80 Purchase the remaining 16 bags of filler you should have gotten the first time and another bag of salt.
81 Purchase a wheelbarrow because by golly you’re not carrying that many bags of anything to the backyard ever again.
82 Get completely home before realizing you have purchased a wheelbarrow with a flat wheel.
83 Refrain from cursing.
84 Don’t remember that you have a bicycle pump.
85 Carry 16 bags of sand and a bag of salt to the back yard.
86 Silently remind yourself that God tells us to forgive others.
87 to 104 Forgive the people at Lowe’s for selling you a defective wheelbarrow. – Repeat once for each bag.
105 Spread the sand around to create a new and improved “level location”
106 Replace the tarp over the sand and fetid grass.
107 Replace the pool on the tarp.
108 Go to bed.
109 Re-install the filter/saltwater chlorination unit.
110 Center pool on the the new “level location.
111 Turn on hose and begin to fill the pool with an inch of water.
112 Turn off hose and carefully smooth out all wrinkles.
113 When all wrinkles are smoothed out, turn the hose back on.
114 Allow children to splash about as pool fills.
115 Shake your head as you try to overcome an overwhelming feeling of dejavu.
116 Make the children get out so you can
go bake a cake or read some blogs or write a dissertation take a nap while the pool fills.
117 Turn the hose off.
118 Congratulations your pool is now *almost* ready to use…again
119 Add 60 lbs of salt to the pool.
120 Allow filter to run for 24 hrs.
121 Set chlorination unit to run for 3 hrs.
122 Test water.
123 Use pool.
See? Exactly one hundred twenty-three steps. 1-2-3.